Three powerful ingredients are essential to making new habits stick. Ignoring any one of them will prevent lasting success.
When new clients come to me they often lament “I’ve worked so hard to change this, yet as soon as something unexpected happens, I find myself back to my old habits.’
Failure to change a habit (or reach a personal goal) can be puzzling, frustrating and downright discouraging. Disappointment turns to despair while self-doubt can hijack you, making you question if what you want is even possible, or at least for you.
So how do you make new habits stick?
There are three powerful elements you must engage to work with you to ensure lasting change: Your Conscious Mind, Your Subconscious Mind, and Your Environment.
When any one of these is out of sync with the outcome you want, even your best efforts will eventually be sabotaged.
Your Conscious Mind
It’s estimated our brains process between 45 to 65 thousand thoughts a day, many of which are a repeat of yesterday’s thinking. We are mostly unaware of this, but to achieve change you must first become conscious of your current thoughts.
Are they positive or negative, uplifting or diminishing? What stories are they telling you?
Personal change is an inside job!
Most children are admonished to ‘be careful’, not to take risks, and you may have learned to be fearful, choosing to always play it safe. In our society failure is shameful and to be avoided at all costs. Your own carefree choices may have been over-ruled as parents and other authority figures endeavoured to help you conform and ‘fit in’ with what they believed you needed.
This is hardly the recipe for growing up self-confident and self-assured.
If you received such programming your automatic thoughts will likely be constantly reminding you of your past inadequacies, what problems you always have, how life isn’t fair and how much easier it is for others, etc.
The more you dwell on such thoughts, the harder it is to change and experience the future you really want. Focusing on difficulties and failures will ensure you create more of them.
This is because your brain doesn’t care what you look at. Its aim is just to please you by providing more evidence to support your thinking. What are you telling your brain each day?
So the first ingredient for any change is a positive mindset. Actively look for the evidence that supports the outcome you want. It is already there!
However you have a mind a million times more powerful than your conscious mind, and you need to enlist its help to ensure your efforts succeed.
Your Subconscious Mind
Your subconscious mind retains a memory of every situation you have ever witnessed or experienced, as well as your feelings and the meaning or interpretation you gave to those events. It implicitly believes and remembers all the information it receives from you as absolute fact. Your subconscious mind holds that information as your beliefs.
Those beliefs are working either for you or against you. The truth is that you are not controlling your life because your subconscious mind supersedes all conscious control. So while you try to introduce a change from a conscious level–citing affirmations and thinking positive thoughts–there may be an invisible and negative subconscious program that’s sabotaging you.
Beliefs govern behaviour so to achieve the goals or form the habits you want, you need to bring your core beliefs from your subconscious mind to your conscious mind to evaluate them. Are they congruent with you new desires?
Are you holding beliefs or values passed on to you by your parents, teachers, peers, that are not really your own? Do they allow you to grow and embrace new experiences? Do they empower you to take risks or cower you to stay within your comfort zone?
You don’t manifest what you want; you manifest what you believe!
Neuroscience has recognized that the subconscious controls 95 percent of our lives. No matter how hard you consciously work to create change, any unconscious limiting beliefs will continually sabotage your efforts.
Quantum Physics tells us that everything consists of energy – either as a wave or particle. You and every material object, all that you see, feel and think, all consists of energy.
All energy vibrates at a specific speed or rate, and whatever the level an energy wave or particle vibrates, it will attract and be attracted to energy of similar frequencies. This is known as resonance, and is the foundation of the Universal Law of Attraction.
Energy flows where attention goes!
Thoughts are energy flashing as electro-magnetic pulses. Fearful and limiting thoughts are low frequency vibrations. As you change your past limiting conscious thoughts and subconscious beliefs into more powerful, ‘can do’ attitudes, your energy vibration will naturally rise.
So the third ingredient for success is to use those ‘good vibes’ to sustain your change.
Here are 5 ways to ensure you cultivate and maintain a high frequency environment. .
- Hang out with people who leave you feeling lifted and ‘energised’. Don’t stay long with people who drain you or in conversations which leave you feeling ‘down’.
- Be responsible for the energy you bring to others. Negativity (low frequency) is contagious, and if you find yourself feeling and thinking negatively, you need to shift that fast. When you do, you help everyone else too.
- Forgive yourself and others. Forgiving doesn’t mean condoning what has happened; it just means releasing it. Stop thinking or talking about it. When you stop dwelling on any upsetting situation or event, you will stop feeding the distressing and uncomfortable emotions. Those emotions are toxic chemistry damaging your own body, so you are only hurting yourself when you don’t forgive.
- Remember hurting people hurt people. Be understanding and compassionate when others say or do something hurtful. When you come from a place of love and understanding you can’t vibrate at the lower rates of resentment, powerlessness, victimisation or martyrdom, etc. And you help yourself while helping others.
- Develop an attitude of gratitude. This is energy vibrating at a very high frequency, and as you practice noticing and giving thanks for what you already have, you will magnetise more of the same into your life.
My coaching provides objective, non-judgmental reflections, enabling clients to gain new insights and more easily break free from limiting patterns. If this is something you want, let’s talk and explore if working together is a good fit. I’d love to hear from you.